My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
