so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
