I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
