Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
