That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
