I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
