Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
