Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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