It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
