I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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