so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
