This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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