dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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