When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
