Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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