My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
