So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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