I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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