Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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