the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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