so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
