Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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