gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
pray to the hookup gods
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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