that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
These tits shall not be calmed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
