Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
