I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
