Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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