Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
