i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
