Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
