so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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