everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
