I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
