she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
