...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
