i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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