Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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