So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
