Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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