Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let's get the cat blown out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
