Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
