God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
