My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
