I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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