Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
