I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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