So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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