hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
