Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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