You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize