Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
