Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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