That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize