currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
