I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
