After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
