how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
