Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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