Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
