Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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