Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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