I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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