And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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