Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
