Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
