I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
