Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
