It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
