i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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