I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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