I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
