it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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