You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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