Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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