So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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