Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

(619): View more from California

Cremation, why do you ask?

(760): View more from California

I think we have a bit of a problem

Fav 15 1473 1979
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(248): View more from Michigan

the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

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(860): View more from Connecticut

she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"

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(954): View more from Florida

I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.

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(707): View more from California

I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already

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(415): View more from California

i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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(123): View more from

I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live

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