I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
