hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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