If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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