My liver just broke up with me...
Please, let me fuck your mom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
